Produce Commentary! No, really, Produce Commentary

Preface: Praise Jeebus, this draft was SO LONG.

Sarah’s draft: orange, tomato, raspberry, apple, asparagus, sweet potato, pea, lentil, papaya, grapefruit, lettuce, nectarine, arugula.

Sarah, self-righteous Park Slope co-op member that she is, made sure to inform all participating drafters how AWESOME her produce was. Admittedly, her draft was quite successful – she picked interesting, tasty, and nourishing items in a wide variety. The heavy hitters are here: indeed, oranges (albeit taken too early), tomatoes, apples, and lettuce are found in any self-respecting kitchen. Raspberries really are the best berry ever, and lentils and peas are VERY underrated in the general population, in my opinion. Sweet potatoes, while not my cup of tea, are a noble selection (also probably picked too early), and grapefruit and nectarines late in the draft were good picks as well. Overall, a well-balanced and delicious basket o’ goodies.

Grade: A. Very well done. However, much like one’s hands after a juicy orange, your draft reeks of citrus.

Sydney’s draft: olive, artichoke, peach, garlic, eggplant, mango, lychee, soybean, pear, plum, pumpkin, basil, kumquat, endive.

I’ll guarantee that Sydney wins the award for “Most fruits and vegetables identified as misspellings by MS Word.” This basket was eccentric to say the least, bizarre to be less kind, and largely unidentifiable by Bryan to complete the description. While there are some stalwarts in here – peach, garlic, and olive come to mind – one need not be a Justice Scalia to see that WILD variety was the "original intent" on this one. (Worst pun ever.) Indeed, Syd selected the first herb in round 12, and having been denied starfruit in round 13 (who gets denied starfruit?), then became the only drafter of a “qu” item. Although we’d have liked to have seen some leafy greens in here, or a berry or two, there are some masterstrokes - stealing soybean in round 8 being the finest. (Two words: Complete. Protein.) As a whole: wacky but delicious, oddly-shaped yet appealing, nourishing although SO HEAVY (pumpkin?). Veggies should be toted, not carted.

Grade: B+. In office-speak, points for “thinking outside the box”; demerits for “failing to allocate resources efficiently.”

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Albert’s draft: avocado, potato, onion, watermelon, zucchini, corn, squash, pineapple, kiwi, guava, okra, shallot, star fruit, celery

Albert’s draft definitely shined on personal style, and his gourd-heavy selection most resembles the cornucopia picture that accompanied the draft results, so, congratulations on THAT accomplishment. His vaguely Southern selection (zucchini, okra, watermelon?) revealed a general interest in avoiding the consumption of REAL veggies -- somehow, our favorite young rogue managed to snag the fruits and vegetables most associated with, well, getting fat (okra, potatoes, onions, avocados). I believe his exact words were, “I got French fries AND onion rings, bitches.” Well, big points for maintaining draft coherence; immediate loss of all those points for completely missing the point of the draft. The selection of three consecutive tropical fruits maintains the focus on packing in the calories (via these sugary fruits or the girly cocktails they might accompany). Albert does get a completely arbitrary bonus because, as I (and any other readers who have recently had toe surgery) can attest, pineapple is a great natural anti-inflammatory agent.

Avocado as a first pick does way too much to enhance the reputation of this already-overrated blah-flavored food. I’m sorry, Albert, but any respectable fruits & vegetables draft should start out with a fruit, since everyone likes them more anyway. And corn? Delicious – but save it for the “grains & cereals” draft. Albert’s last three selections, shallot, star fruit, and celery, left this commentator cold: shallot is really more of a garnish than a stand-out, celery is pleasantly crunchy but nutritionally pointless, and star fruit is just stupid.

Grade: B-. A systematic approach that resulted in a bunch of really boring fruits and vegetables.

Adam's draft: strawberry, spinach, cucumber, blueberry, grapes, broccoli, bell pepper, cantaloupe, carrot, mushroom, cherry, apricot, chick peas, cilantro

Even though Adam made the most abhorrent choice of the whole draft, cilantro, I can overlook my personal biases and see that California has given our man a solid fruits and vegetables knowledge. Adam’s clear preference for tart, complex fruit flavors (strawberry, blueberry, cherry, apricot, and even the vastly underrated cantaloupe) dovetailed nicely with his solid vegetable selection (spinach, broccoli, bell pepper, carrot, chick peas). These are reliable standbys – you can buy adequately tasty samples even in crappy Brooklyn bodegas, and they’re equally useful in salads, steamed, sautéed, or grilled. (You CAN grill chick peas! Just balance them on the grate). And cucumber? A great sandwich topping, plain OR in pickle form.

Adam’s only stumbles, besides a certain infamous last-round pick that captured the most repulsive flavor in the universe, were grapes (good, but boring – he could have waited a few rounds for that one) and mushrooms, which, as our favorite Baroness frequently and loudly points out, taste like dirt. Nonetheless, a stellar selection on the whole.

Overall grade: A-. I’d put all these picks together in a salad, toss it in a nice vinaigrette… and then throw it into a toxic waste dump, because it has cilantro. But that’s just me.