Fantasy Drafts

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


5:49 PM

Beer is pretty awesome. There's really no two ways about it. Not only does it taste delicious (well, some of it), but it gives you that much needed inflated sense of self-worth. Also, by impairing your ability to drive, beer can be proven to directly lead to more exercise (good for the body) and more cab use (good for the economy). It makes you laugh at stupid jokes, hit on unattractive members of the opposite sex, and occasionally, just occasionally, throw up on one of your best friend's couches.
Yes, it truly is a delightful concoction. Very delightful. Mouth watering even. Mmm...
And so we drafted it. That's right, I said it. It was tough, hard, arduous work. But in the end, each of the six drafters had teams that they were happy and proud of. Or, if nothing else, they could get crazy drunk off of. And isn't that, at the end of the day, what beer is really about. So, if you would please do me the honor and grab a glass, fill it with your favorite libation, let the foam subside, and join me in a salute to this liquid of life. Cheers to you, Cheers to me. But above all else, Cheers to Beers!

Round 1:
Chris - Guinness
Albert - Widmer Hefeweizen
Sarah - Pilsner Urquell
Dan - Newcastle
Adam - Heineken
Sydney - Magic Hat

Round 2:
Sydney - Fat Tire
Adam - Dos Equis
Dan - Yuengling
Sarah - Sam Adams
Albert - Bass Ale
Chris - Harp

Round 3:
Chris - Shiner Bock
Albert - Red Hook
Sarah - Sapporo
Dan - Busch
Adam - Sierra Nevada
Sydney - Corona

Round 4:
Sydney - Amstel
Adam - Asahi
Dan - Blue Moon
Sarah - Stella Artois
Albert - Hoegaarden
Chris - Negra Modelo

Round 5:
Chris - Dogfish Head IPA
Albert - Killian's Irish Red
Sarah - Brooklyn Lager
Dan - Harpoon
Adam - Rolling Rock
Sydney - Smithwicks

Round 6:
Sydney - Kirin
Adam - Grolsch
Dan - Budweiser
Sarah - Red Stripe
Albert - Molson
Chris - Abita Amber

Round 7:
Chris - Rogue
Albert - Hennepin
Sarah - Anchor Steam
Dan - Beck's
Adam - Kronenbourg
Sydney - Petrus

Round 8:
Sydney - Gambrinus
Adam - Coors
Dan - Milwaukee's Best
Sarah - Tsingtao
Albert - Michelob
Chris - Pete's Wicked Ale


Anonymous Anonymous said...

ooookay. you guys really shat the bed on this one. have any of you people actually HAD a beer?
1) heineken - really mediocre beer, really good ad company
2) magic hat? why not just daft a fabutini, or why even bother with alcohol? how about drafting fruit juice.
3) sam adams - another mediocre beer with a good advertising company that has somehow convinced everyone it's a microbrew
4) it's negrA modelo, dipshit
5) three words: bud-fucking-weiser?
6) another three: bud-fucking-light?

who are you people that 3 different types of sake were taken and nobody bothered to pick up the biggest domestic beer in the u.s.?

8:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok, i amend that last comment. dan, you win. (i'll read harder next time).

8:18 PM  
Blogger the Thin Man said...

I just like that i avoided the scathing criticism from Dan's anonymous friend. I agree with some earlier criticism, Heineken tastes like piss, well sort of like rolling rock. i like my beers.

8:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alice Cooper: Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors.
Pete: Hey, isn't "Milwaukee" an Indian name?
Alice Cooper: Yes, Pete, it is. In fact, it was originally an Algonquin term meaning "the good land."
Wayne: I was not aware of that.
Alice Cooper: I think one of the most interesting things about Milwaukee is that it's the only American city to elect three Socialist mayors.
Wayne: Does this guy know how to party or what?

10:28 PM  
Blogger Flash in the Pan said...

i apologize on the negra modelo misspelling. being 15 beers deep at the time of the draft, i hope that my inability to, you know, write properly doesnt offend you too horribly. as for the other things, yes, i completely agree. the fact that all these random beers and the good, shitty ones that we all actually drink weren't taken, well thats a shame. especially the fact that miller is nowhere to be seen. i do like to point that i have the whole anheuser busch family. so thats pretty awesome, and delicious. ok, enough of this, where's my b-light. word.

10:51 PM  
Blogger the Thin Man said...

not true the busch family makes my lovely delicious Michelob

11:30 PM  
Blogger Hired Hand said...

to officially play the snob trump card (and i believe one, if not several, of my colleagues can back me up here) - heineken beer in the US is not a *blow you away* type beer. however, it is remarkably refreshing and complex when drank (free, ideally) from the mothership brewery in amsterdam. still stellar just about anywhere in europe. really. it's incredible.

12:33 AM  
Blogger Brooski said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:38 AM  
Blogger Brooski said...

I, of all people, am remarkably unqualified to judge this draft. However, I must give credit to Dan for selecting Milwaukee’s Best – preferred 2-to-1 by 14 year olds drinking in the woods.

3:39 AM  
Blogger Inexplicably Mean Commenter said...

This is perhaps the worst draft since Adam chose Eve. My god, and I Hope Mr. Kirby and Mr. Commentator back me up on this (although RC seems a little bourgeoisie for my taste). Let's list the most horrific selections -- in my estimate there are two decent drafts, maybe even only one: you all selected Widmer (what is this?) Heineken (piss) and Magic Hat (excrement) IN THE FIRST ROUND; Fat Tire? Sam Adams is an average overrated middle-aged slice in your swing beer, Sapporo I mean come on, but that’s not all Asahi, Hoegaarden, Dogfish, Harpoon, KIRIN (WHY OH WHY DIDNT ANYONE JUST PICK FOSTERS), Grolsch, Red Stripe (Jamaican piss), Rogue, Hennepin (this is?), Kronenberg, Petrus, Gambrinus, Tsingtao,

Three shitty Eastern Beers -- umm yeah what are the Japanese and Chinese known for, oh their beer making skills right. Man you guys are lucky I've been away.

9:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HH. excellent job drafting a beer that can only be really enjoyed when you're sitting on another continent. nice grab there.

9:29 AM  
Anonymous the oldtimer said...

I know that you guys don't do sports drafting, but why does this draft have the feel of someone drafting soccer players for the NFL? The bottom line question seems to be, what kind of "football" are we talking about, anyway. Or, in this case, what kind of "beer". Looking over the list, there do not seem to be any apparent selection criteria. This could not be based on such things as flavor, aroma, balance, finish, and so forth. Rather, along with a few truly good beers, there seem to be a lot of beers that fall into the category of beers that are consumed by the people I refer to as "people who like to drink beer, but who don't like beer". So, go spend some time with some Michael Jackson (the beer and scotch guy, not the bedtime with little boys one) books, then do some field research and try again.

9:46 AM  
Blogger the Thin Man said...

Hey, Hey, Hey. Hefeweizen is a delicious beer by any brewer. It is my favorite so in the first round i went a little upscale. Not fair criticism if you haven’t had it. Also, Hennepin is delicious, it is made in Cooperstown (near my alma mater), it has 7.5% alcohol content and comes in like a 30 ounce bottle with its own cork. It is light and wheaty - Belgium-e brewtastic.

10:53 AM  
Anonymous Adam said...

OT: a couple of questions for you.

1. Do you READ Fantasy Drafts? Are you aware that rarely, if ever, there exists any semblance of cohesive selection criteria?

2. The next time you have to think of and select 50 brews, ask yourself, is it fair to me, and the good people of Fantasy Drafts, to bitch and moan about other people's taste in beer?

3. Have you ever faked the funk on a nasty dunk?

4. ARE there 50 "truly good" beers by your (admittedly also very vague) criteria? Because, wow, "flavor" sure is something we NEVER thought to consider. I thought we were drafting based on advertising companies, guys! What gives?

5. I humbly suggest you pick up a sixer of one of the longnecks selected, or perhaps even one of the portlier bottles (Negra Modelo comes to mind), and politely shove it up your ass.

11:21 AM  
Blogger Robot Commenter said...

Criticism of competence by IMC is itself a chastening event, as extreme consumption of fermented beverages would cause much to become clear, but here and now we are seeing wholesale dismissal of BEER DRAFT by no less an authority than "the old timer." Wise is he in the way of such brewed grain-based beverages, having himself been brewing much of same, AT NO COST TO YOU!

"Bad Picks" is commenting that can be ignored, but "people who like to drink beer, but who don't like beer" should serious self-loathing to cause to be inspired.

Advice is given to confine merriment to subjects such as 20-minute TV shows, fat & salt laden industrially produced "food," dead people, no-longer-read dead-tree publications, and similar subjects as to which true expertise is lacking in local group. Suggestions: Brands of Sugar, Safeway Stores, Asphalt Paving Compounds, Libyan Rivers.

Good Luck with your web log (or "blog"), and it being one of my very favorite ones, I will spread the word of its web address far and wide among web surfers in greater metropolitan Bossangoa area!

11:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In regards to your suggestion for Old Timer to shove any of the various beer bottles available from this draft up his ass, I would recommend he use one of the FOUR sake cups available; probably a lot less painful. You guys are idiots, I need a Natty Light.

11:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dont blame everyone for three very snobbish, horribly ignorant annoying people who whipe their nether regions with times select: i.e. sydney, sarah and adam...the other three didnt do horribly.

11:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ps. 'sake' is a distilled beverage, not fermented. no "sake" was taken. this was a "sake"-less draft. asahi, sapporo, kirin - these are BEERS.

fucking racist.

11:54 AM  
Blogger Selfish Country Music Loving Lady said...

Wow, this draft has certainly brought out the best in everyone. (rolling eyes)

OK, it actually HAS brought out the best in Robot Commenter.

12:02 PM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

also, don't you EVER accuse me of reading Times Select

12:04 PM  
Blogger Durward Kirby said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:19 PM  
Blogger Durward Kirby said...

Wow! Adam crudely dismissing "old timer."


Old Timer brews the stuff, while Hired Hand continues to hone his skills regarding environmentally safe pop-top disposal. Hmmmm.

12:21 PM  
Anonymous the oldtimer said...

Adam -- Why all of the hostility? My comments were relatively mild compared to several of the others.

12:26 PM  
Anonymous Adam said...

Sometimes it's easier to focus one's hostility instead of engaging in broad-based, indiscriminate rants. Although I've also found the latter to be quite fun.

I'm just saying - beer is delicious, whether it's home-brewed, mass-produced, made by Asians, or thrown up onto my couch by Dan.

No hard feelings. So long as you provide a keg of your homemade brew for the Fantasy Drafts offsite retreat later this month.

12:46 PM  
Anonymous the old timer said...

Adam -- No offense taken (rants are fun, a guilty pleasure). Alas, I no longer brew since having left the Old Dominion, so no compensatory kegger. Should you ever be in the Lilac City, however, I will be happy to treat you to a sampler of brews at our foremost brewpub -- Northern Lights (right next to the campus of Gonzaga U.).

4:04 PM  
Blogger Hired Hand said...

A FINE establishment! I visited Northern Lights with Tara Vanderveer and company while staying at the Westin in Spokane.

5:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Meanwhile, I see that there's a "Fantasy Draft Beer" up over at Glib & Superficial.

5:10 PM  
Blogger Almost Ignatius J. said...

great way to stunt discussion on a legitimate issue

7:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The wonderful beer that you all missed, and would probably be appriciated by everyone here either for reasons of taste or opinion: Arrogant Bastard Ale by Stone Brewery in San Marcos, CA.

8:07 PM  
Blogger Village Idiot said...

Whassat? A Parrot & Shepherd? Never heard of that. ushure? Sounds like some strange shit to me.

8:11 PM  
Blogger Gentleman Farmer said...

Damn! Thirty comments!

Of course, they were posted by 3 actual people, using about 8 sock puppets, but 30's still 30.

10:15 AM  
Blogger Inexplicably Mean Commenter said...

Three people, 10 posts each, doesn’t anyone have a life? Maybe in all your spare time you should be trying different beers that don’t only taste good with damn raw fish.
Take yesterday I stopped at Outback for lunch had three large tall fosters and a bloomin onion. I went to do a kid's birthday party had three hot-dogs and 6 Budweiser cans. It was delicious, the wife started too look good.

[The proletariat of beers will rise.]

1:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No Splugen? What gives? :)

On a more serious note, I tried two outstanding beers last night: Delerium "Tremens," and Bell's. Give 'em a try, they're good stuff.

(this is tractor chic posting as an anonymous user, as i have forgotten my password. i, quite obviously, rule.)

1:43 PM  
Blogger Inexplicably Mean Commenter said...

here is what i should have done. Good picks (including round where selected): Newcastle, Dos Equis, Bass, Harp, RedHook, Busch, Sierra Nevada, Killian's, Harpoon, Budweiser, Molson, Beck's, Coors, Beast, & Michelob

16 selections out of 48...34%...

2:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I presume it is obvious to other individuals that IMC operates on West Coast time?

2:56 PM  
Blogger Selfish Country Music Loving Lady said...

And apparently has a wife!

3:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the wife part is smoke.

We should take a major identity discussion over to HIS blog. Shirley it will make him angry.

3:32 PM  
Blogger Inexplicably Mean Commenter said...

I am pretty sure I have no wife. Where did that come from?

Also, picture me as a sort of superman, but only in the way David Caradine describes the duality. Also why the interest in who I am.

[I am not Durward Kirby.]

3:59 PM  
Blogger Almost Ignatius J. said...

It is obviously Albert Leroy Lang III. Just look beyond the makeup...and the horrible, horrible rage.

4:04 PM  
Blogger Inexplicably Mean Commenter said...

I have never taken part in a draft.

4:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, IMC, you said "It was delicious, the wife started too [sic] look good."

But we were not fooled.

We never thought you were Durward Kirby. Judging from his picture (and yours) he's much older than you.

4:22 PM  
Blogger Inexplicably Mean Commenter said...

Well, that "wife would be the middle-aged mother of the child who's birthday party I was performing at. As far as I know she was the wife of the man who signed the check given to me as payment.

4:29 PM  
Blogger Durward Kirby said...

I'm not even interested in who I am.

4:37 PM  
Blogger Selfish Country Music Loving Lady said...

The fact that you've never taken part in a draft, IMC, just makes your incredibly frequent contributions here and elsewhere all the more disturbing. Uh, I mean, fascinating.

5:13 PM  
Blogger the Thin Man said...

my head hurts, dan looks like a bum, so does justin

10:56 AM  
Blogger Inexplicably Mean Commenter said...

You guys are really boring. Lets see, we all get a day off and you fail to produce commentary on the worst draft. Man oh man. YOU PEOPLE SUCK, mostly at life, but definitely at drafting beer.

12:11 PM  
Blogger Durward Kirby said...

IMC is being inexplicably mean. I don't like his tone at all, and if you look back at all of his posts, and even his own blog, you'll see he hasn't contributed a darned thing.

This really frosts me.

12:36 PM  
Anonymous the oldtimer said...

We are really getting close to the 50-comment mark on this post. That should provoke extreme envy on the part of the GF. So, let's keep going. Only a couple more comments to go! So far, we have gone from commenting on the original post to commenting on the comments to commenting on the commenters. Is there another level left to explore? Maybe commenting on the people who did NOT comment? That might be interesting. Just what foul motives can we attribute to those who are unwilling comment on this vital topic?

5:15 PM  
Blogger Selfish Country Music Loving Lady said...

That post was way too meta-ironic to have been left by a REAL old-timer.

5:44 PM  
Anonymous Commenter #50 said...

Comment #50.

7:29 PM  
Blogger Inexplicably Mean Commenter said...

the obligatory you guys suck -- my posts are so much better and frequent and I AM ONE PERSON, from my count there are like 6 of you nitwits.

9:45 AM  
Blogger Almost Ignatius J. said...

Where the **** are my hard-boiled eggs!?!!! and my commentary, sweet, sweet commentary.

11:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was an interesting read which has helped buttress my belief that when it comes to beer most people invest no time whatsoever in figuring out what style of beer they are drinking.

Magic Hat and Rogue brew a whole range of beer styles so which Magic Hat/Rogue beer? Is it fair to select an entire freaking brewery? Just say Miller and be done with it then you'll draft 20 beers at once.

Also Dogfish brews more than one IPA...which IPA? 60, 90 or 120?

If someone knew as little about the food they ate or the music they listened to as you guys did about the beer you chose you'd all bust an intestine laughing at them.

"It's from Mexico, and if there’s one thing Mexicans know how to do, its beer." That's like farting in front of a room full of dignitaries at the White House. It's just soooo wrong that anyone that would say it can't really be helped.

"Sheesh man, get educated. As for Hennepin, I’m not even going to say anything. Not because I’m above it, but because I know nothing about it. Nothing at all."

Did you suffer a concusion when the irony of telling someone to get educated preceded lambasting a choice of a beer you haven't even had hit you on the head?

Hennepin is probably one of the most fantastic beers in your draft.

You guys should draft ancient texts written in dead languages would know just as much about them as you do about beer.

11:26 AM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

haha man, some of our latest visitors really, really don't get irony, do they?

3:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

not being a drinker maybe i'm missing something, but shouldn't someone have taken Carlsberg?

6:32 PM  

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