Fantasy Drafts

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Movie Quotes Draft Results

5:39 PM
Boy, did this one take for-EVER. And your administrator almost had to lay the smack down on some unruly drafters. But, results follow below, and commentary should come...oh, in about a million years.

Round 1:

Sydney - 'Am I supposed to be a man? Am I supposed to say, "That's OK, I don't mind. I don't mind"? Well I mind! I mind big time! And you know what the worst part is? I NEVER LEARNED TO READ.' (Wayne's World)

Adam - "Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos." (The Big Lebowski)

Bryan - "Eatin' a bitch out, and givin' a bitch a foot massage ain't the same fuckin' thing. It ain’t even the same fuckin’ ballpark. Now look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine, but, you know, touchin' his wife's feet, and stickin' your tongue in her Holiest of Holies, ain't the same fuckin' ballpark, it ain't the same league, it ain't even the same fuckin' sport. Look, foot massages don't mean shit." (Pulp Fiction)

Albert - "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!" (Dr. Strangelove)

Chris - "I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse." (The Godfather)

Round 2:

Chris - "Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." (Wizard of Oz)

Albert – “You don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.” (On the Waterfront)

Bryan – “We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole multi colored collection of uppers, downers, laughers, screamers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.” (Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas)

Adam - “The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh... people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.” (Field of Dreams)

Sydney - "It's not until you lose everything that you are free to do anything." (Fight Club)

Round 3:

Sydney – “Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?" (Trainspotting)

Adam - “I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I've gotta get inside this guy's pelt and crawl around for a few days.” (Caddyshack)

Bryan – “But, I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? How am I funny?” (Goodfellas)

Albert – “Greed--for the lack of a better word--is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed--in all of its forms--greed for life, for money, for love, and for knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind and greed--you mark my words--will not only save Teldar paper but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA." (Wall Street)

Chris - "You've got to ask yourself one question. 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?" (Dirty Harry)

Round 4:

Chris – "What we've got here is failure to communicate." (Cool Hand Luke)

Albert – “Rosebud.” (Citizen Kane)

Chris (from Bryan, Round 6) – “I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.” (Bull Durham)

Adam - “Here you've been in therapy, you know, thinking you blew it with the greatest girl ever, and really it turns out that getting your dick stuck in your zipper was the best thing that ever happened to you.” (There’s Something About Mary)

Sydney - "You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?" (Batman)

Round 5:

Sydney - "Mr. Madison, what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever heard. At no point during your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could have been considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul" (Billy Madison)

Adam - “So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.” (Spaceballs)

Bryan – "Your neck hurts? Oh, well, now your back's gonna hurt, 'cause you just pulled
landscaping duty. Anybody else's fingers hurt? I didn't think so." (Happy Gilmore)

Albert – “Do I look like a cat to you boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? Am I drinking milk from a saucer? Do you see me eating mice?” (Super Troopers)

Bryan (from Chris) – “Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!” (Animal House)

Round 6:

Bryan (from Chris) – “That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.” (Dazed and Confused)

Albert – "Here are just a few of the key ingredients: dynamite, pole vaulting, laughing gas, choppers - can you see how incredible this is going to be? - hang gliding, come on!" (Bottle Rocket)

Chris (from Bryan) - "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." (Gone With the Wind)

Adam - “I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. When I was thrown out, my mother, who was an emotionally high-strung woman, locked herself in the bathroom and took an overdose of Mah-Jongg tiles. I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and, if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss.” (Annie Hall)

Sydney - "Excuse me, Senor...I asked for a Mai Tai and they brought me a Pina Colada...and I asked for no salt, NO SALT for the margarita, but there was salt on it...I can take my travler's checks to a competing resort...I can put strychnine in the guacamole and have this place condemned" (Office Space)

Round 7:

Sydney - "Strange things are afoot at the Circle K" (Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure)

Adam - “I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you.” (Full Metal Jacket)

Bryan – “You were lookin' for that third three, but you forgot that Professor Green folded it on Fourth Street and now you're representing that you have it. The DA made his two pair, but he knows they're no good. Judge Kaplan was trying to squeeze out a diamond flush but he came up short and Mr. Eisen is futilely hoping that his queens are going to stand up. So like I said, the Dean's bet is $20.” (Rounders)

Albert - "You guys have it real easy. I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and your going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.” (Rushmore)

Chris – "I see dead people." (The Sixth Sense)

Round 8:

Chris - “Woman... woe-man... whoooa-man. She was a thief, you got to believe, she stole my heart and my cat. Judy, Betty, Josie and those hot Pussycats... they made me horny, on Saturday morning... girls of cartoo-ins will leave me in ruins... I want to to be Betty's Barney. Jane... get me off this crazy thing... called love." (So I Married an Axe Murderer)

Albert – “The stuff that dreams are made of.” (The Maltese Falcon)

Bryan – “Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in The Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off of
people.” (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off)

Adam - “You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.” (Blazing Saddles)

Sydney – "Mine, 1970 Pontiac Firebird, The car I always wanted and now I have it. I rule!" (American Beauty)

6 Comments:

Blogger Selfish Country Music Loving Lady said...

Wow, I'm never leaving you people alone again. Some of these picks are just... how do I put this delicately... they suck. More importantly, you left out here's lookin' at you kid, forget it Jake it's Chinatown, and some other major heavy hitters. Plus if you're going to pick a quote from Wizard of Oz, for God's sake choose "I'll get you, my pretty...and your little dog, too!"

8:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Lady," do you do anything but complain?

12:35 AM  
Blogger Selfish Country Music Loving Lady said...

Uh oh, they're on to me

9:34 AM  
Blogger Almost Ignatius J. said...

Yeah, this draft really showed off how little class any of us really have. Happy Gilmore AND Billy Madison? For shame.

10:04 AM  
Blogger Selfish Country Music Loving Lady said...

Well, now that I no longer have to pretend to be anything but a vicious backstabber, I'm going to unveil my nomination for the worst pick in the history of Fantasy Drafts: "It's not until you lose everything that you are free to do anything." Sydney, Sydney, Sydney. Can we say "empty platitude"? Man, I hated that movie.

11:14 AM  
Blogger the Thin Man said...

I think soime of the drafters were worried about getting movies that spread across the spectrum, it would have been easy to just tick down the AFI's top 100, but some people didnt, also billy madison and happy gilmore, that was really rediculous. Also Wayne's World #1? Oh how the mighty have fallen.

11:14 AM  

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