Fantasy Drafts

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Fantasy Band Commentary - Part Deux

1:41 PM

In a coy admission to the fact that all of your faithful drafters used this one as an opportunity to showcase their vaingloriousness, our commentary seeks to take cleverness and conceit to a whole new level. What else to do when you've been outed by the Volokh Conspiracy? We're so pumped full of egocentrism today that it's hard to imagine our already unnaturally-large heads fitting through the door when we get home from work.

Sarah’s Picks:
1 - Joni Mitchell - Lyricist
2 - Ringo Starr - Drummer
3 - Laura Nyro - Lead Singer
4 - Richard Thompson - Guitar
5 - Patti Labelle - Back-Up Vocalist
6 - Edgar Meyer – Bass

Sarah’s contribution to the Fantasy Band draft served mostly to provide fodder for your two incredibly condescending commentators. Her much-harangued pick of Ringo Starr in the second round set her up for not only “most overvalued pick in the draft” honors, but also puts her in cahoots with Heath Shuler for “most undeserving early round pick in history.” As a Beatles fanatic, I do fall into the camp that defends Ringo regularly – he’s an incredibly uynderrated drummer, and would have been a solid 5th- or 6th-round pick. S. did put herself on firm footing by selecting Joni Mitchell as her lyricist, and it certainly gave her the Urge For Going …with lots of women in her band. Laura Nyro on lead vocals is a great choice, particularly for Joni Mitchell songs, and Richard Thompson’s excellent folk guitar adds to what I like to call the “Bumpkin Element.” Sarah’s final two picks, however, fall short of greatness and generally reaffirm her penchant for mediocrity. Patti Labelle worked well with Nyro way back when, but it was already Gonna Take A Miracle for Sarah to redeem her Ringo pick. Incidentally, it’s also gonna take a miracle for me to redeem the horrible puns in my commentary. Sarah made it a Double with Edgar Meyer on bass (marking the second Flecktonic pick of the draft), but in the end, the chemistry just wasn’t there.

Overall Grade: B-. By her own admission, Sarah’s obscure selections manifest a desire to go for the “comfort level” instead of getting creative, and her band lacks the je ne sais quoi to overcome the heavy hitters in this draft, like…

Albert’s Picks:
1 - Bob Dylan - Lyricist (From Adam)
2 - Keith Moon - Drummer
3 - Paul McCartney - Bass
4 - Jim Morrison - Lead Singer
6 - David Gilmour - Guitar
6 - Roy Orbison - Back-Up Vocalist

As mentioned before, relinquishing rights to the #1 overall pick marked a milestone for the Fantasy Drafts crowd. Despite Albert’s curmudgeonly commentary (two C’s…harsh) below, the King of Cantankerousness managed to put together a solid sextet of superstars rivaled only by my affinity for alliteration. While not a World War II-type shoo-in for #1, Robert Allen Zimmerman is a very, very defensible top pick, but demands restraint in selecting who surrounds him. Put curtly, Keith Moon would have choked on his vomit much sooner had he been forced to restrain himself on the pagan skins playing Dylan songs. Heading north to Liddypool, Albert picked up Paul McCartney on bass — while a virtuoso on the instrument, Paul’s talent on keyboards and in songwriting is lost by sticking him in the back. A rhythm section consisting of Keith Moon going crazy while Paul tries to finesse a nifty little melody on his Fender seems like it wouldn’t work, particularly in backing Gilmour’s psychedelic riffs. Can you see the three of them getting along at all, let alone in trying to arrange something like Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands? Paul would try to shorten it to two-and-a-half minutes, Gilmour would attempt to make it a 45-minute “masterpiece,” and Moon would pass out just before Orbison crooned “Hell-oooooo!” to announce his arrival at rehearsal. What you’ve got here is a dysfunctional band of heavy drinkers and pseudo-intellectuals. That said, there is a whole lot of talent here, and that’s what fantasy drafts are all about.

Overall grade: B++. When this group gets together, it’s hard to say it’ll be bad. But with Jim Morrison in front, Paul McCartney in the back, and vomit everywhere in between, what you’ve got is a whole lot of chemical dependence without a lot of chemistry. A little more coherence from Albert would have been nice – but haven’t we been demanding that all along?


Blogger Selfish Country Music Loving Lady said...

B++? We're making up new grades now? You're drunk with power!

1:32 PM  
Blogger Hired Hand said...

No - sadly, just drunk.

9:49 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home