Fantasy Drafts

Monday, July 25, 2005

Meats draft - lunatic commentary

6:37 PM

Some thoughts from Albert (pictured at left) on the outcome of the meats draft.

"Round one started with perhaps the weakest number one overall selections of any draft. Sure, I absolutely adore tuna, plus the variations in preparation c’est fantastique – steak, sushi, sandwich/salad, plus they are really cutting down on the dolphins they kill. However, tuna is more of a mid-draft stalwart one that isn’t pretty but bolsters one’s team. Buffalo was an interesting choice; its historical implications are funny. Turkey kind of goes the way with tuna, although it has the whole what would thanksgiving dinner be without it, so in essence its stock soars, because thanksgiving fucking rocks, right up to the time grandma gets drunk and starts making out with cousin Millie.

Chris so far is having a phenomenal draft, steak and shrimp, great picks, you can layer those together, have one as an appetizer, really good versatile and sumptuous choices. Dan took a personal favorite of mine with the second selection, steamed crabs are a Maryland delectable, also crab cakes and soft shells are pretty darn good. I think salmon is a good value pick here, also the versatility of tuna, however with a little more cachet, all in all S. screwed the first pick royally. Also, scallops are kind of boring unless they are wrapped in bacon; hopefully she has plans of packaging those picks together.

Round three sees the end of Sarah’s dream of scallops wrapped in bacon, and is a pretty standard round, where the bulk, less fancy foods start coming out. Chicken, pork solid choices, bacon more of a delectable choice, but still Chris is the early favorite to host the fantasydrafts team bar-b-q.

Chris goes a little off the reservation here, interrupting what was up to this point one of the most stellar drafts in recent memory. However, one must think are the oysters merely sought after as an aphrodisiac to woe the heart of one Post Toast? The rest of the picks are delectable victuals, duck sumptuous, lobster succulent, beef capriccio scintillating, good round.

Sarah again goes an interesting route, swordfish, while good, doesn’t have the cachet you would like in a round five selection, it would be fine as an end of draft-day choice or perhaps an undrafted free-agency signing. Ostrich burgers are phenomenal, and Adam is slowly building a very solid draft, Chris with picks of oysters and rabbit might not be able to fight off the shrewd Mr. Rapp for much longer. Ok and pheasant what? What does it even look like? Does it have talons?

Crawfish; never have, but good choice. Adam again with a phenomenal pick in venison. It is truly a succulent sweet meat, great for stews or steaks, or anything you wish. Adam could be taking over the spot as head chef!

Ok, Chris takes one back here – also salami, who is Sarah kidding. Dan also clams is a good value pick, but boring. Ribs are delicious, I love ribs, and ribs certainly trump the boring standard cracker fish.

Chris has regained the throne; lamb is DE-f-ing-LICIOUS. Pork butt is nice, but not nearly as good as pork shoulder, an overlooked, sumptuous cut. The rest of the picks – blah.

Dan has registered his first knock out, drag out win of a round, stealing the forgotten calamari. It goes great in pasta, and is everyone’s favorite fried appetizer. Chris further cements his position as Bar-B-Q head honcho, with the non-sexy but serviceable choice of hot dogs, a good snack before the racks and real beef hit the grill!

Sarah could redeem herself with the delicious prosciutto. Actually I would go so far as to say Prosciutto would have been a better number one selection than tuna. Seriously, prosciutto is really good tasting, so good I once ate it off a prostitute's back. As for the rest, Chris definitely rests control of the bitchingest bar-b-g host ever, I love me double cheeseburgers, most usually made of ground beef!"


Blogger Hired Hand said...

Albert - PORK BUTT IS PORK SHOULDER, you neanderthal.

11:13 AM  
Blogger Selfish Country Music Loving Lady said...

Technically, the Neanderthals didn't have ANY pork, since they hadn't started domesticating animals yet. I'm just saying.

3:09 PM  
Blogger the Thin Man said...

Butt and Shoulders arent the same in my book. just saying. At least i didnt grade you on some obscure criteria.

12:26 PM  

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