Fantasy Drafts

Monday, September 12, 2005

Chain Restaurants Draft Commentary (Part I)

11:09 AM
Chris’ Picks

Burger King
P.F. Chang’s
Cheesecake Factory
Cracker Barrel
Uno’s
Arby’s
Carrabba’s
Skyline Chili

Chris’ draft, per usual, is pretty solid. While most drafters went with 4 and 5 star restaurant chains in the first round, Chris stayed true to the Man that pays his company, The Burger King. I’m going to go on the record as saying I love this pick for two reasons: (a) their cheeseburgers ARE better than McDonald’s and (b) while the new Burger King mascot is slightly creepy, watching him take a lateral pass from Randy Moss for a touchdown is all I need to love this corporation. Now, the Cheesecake Factory going in the third round is another story. This over-priced, ALWAYS over-crowded restaurant is no more than an Applebee’s with a REALLY expensive face lift and more attractive wait staff. Moving on, Chris’ Arby’s selection in the 6th round was a steal and kudos for his 7th round pick, which has the most phenomenal Father’s Day radio jingle going,“Bring your Father to Carrabba’s, have a happy Father’s Day!” Grade: B


Sarah’s Picks

Au Bon Pain
Quizno’s
Nathan’s Famous
Seattle’s Best
Maggiano’s Little Italy
Boston Market
Papa John’s
Chipotle

Sarah can be thankful Albert isn’t grading this draft, as she took Au Bon Pain in the first round. However, I too have a small problem with this pick. It’s a fine establishment (that allows me to eat my bag lunch there twice a week), but a first rounder? I don’t think so. I’ll allow grabbing those toasty Quizno’s subs in the 2nd, and you are to be commended for getting Maggiano’s in the 5th round. My affinity for Maggiano’s come in part from the quality of their food, but mostly it comes from the free take-out dinners at Adam's house. I’m also happy to see that you took Chipotle in the last second, because frankly, it was getting an unfair review from several drafters. Unfortunately, my praise stops here. Considering the very few number of pizza places selected in this draft, I’m NOT okay with Papa John’s being taken in the 7th Round. Homemade sauce, gross. Partially cooked dough, disgusting. Timely delivery service, sub par. Papa John’s slogan should be, “We perform Pizza Abortions” Grade: B-

Dan’s Picks

McDonald’s
Legal Sea Food
IHOP
California Pizza Kitchen
KFC
Taco Bell
Applebee’s
Johnny Rockets

While Dan did have a draft full of mediocre restaurants, consistency is on his side. While Morgan Spurlock may have a problem with Dan’s opening pick, it’s hard to argue with the largest, most successful restaurant chain, ever. With over 99 billion served, Dan steals McDonald’s in the first round, or was it the Hamburglar? I really like the IHOP pick in the 3rd Round and Dan continues to collect all the fast food essentials from there. After burgers, sea food, and pancakes, Dan nabs “California” pizza, Costanza endorsed fried chicken, and really unhealthy tacos. I mean, what more could you ask for? Dessert you say? Dan has that covered with delicious milkshakes from Johnny Rockets. As for the Applebee’s pick, it would have no place in anyone else’s draft, but here, and because it’s Dan, it somehow works out perfectly. Grade: A-

Sydney’s Picks

Smith & Wollensky
Baja Fresh
Medieval Times
Wings Over
Potbelly
Buca diBeppo
Panera
Melting Pot

Sydney’s Restaurant Draft, like her past several drafts, have been less than desirable. She started strong with Smith & Wollensky, but Baja Fresh in the 2nd round??? The SECOND round???? I’ll admit, Medieval Times was a clever and unique grab in the Third, but it’s mostly down hill from there. Wings Over? PLEASE post a comment if you’ve even heard of this place. In fact, a Google image search of “Wings Over” gives me about 4 pictures of Bald Eagles; and I’m willing to bet I could find a place that serves Bald Eagle meat faster than I could find this “Wings Over” place. To make matters worse, Sydney's 5th round pick was Potbelly. You probably know the place. If you can’t find one, just look for the long line out the door at lunch time. Then, if you’re STILL not sure you’re at the right place, pay way too much when you get to the cash register. Still not sure if you’re at Potbelly? When you’re finished your sandwich, your stomach will tell you that you’re still hungry, but your wallet will tell you to go to Subway. If I ever see any of my friends at Potbelly, I will call a cab, bust into the restaurant, drag them out regardless if they’re ready to go or not, and leave their half-eaten sandwich sitting dumbfounded on the table. I swear to God I’ll do it. Try me. Grade: D+

12 Comments:

Blogger Red Baroness said...

for everyone looking for the ever-elusive "Wings Over" chain, it's located at the aptly named www.wingsover.com .

11:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Umm, one thing missing -- Missy worked at Cheesecake Factory

12:47 PM  
Blogger Hired Hand said...

Don't forget Marisa (Cooper-Nichol-Cooper).

And my roommate.

1:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i hear cheesecake factory and marisa both have good ribs

3:42 PM  
Anonymous Ice said...

NO ONE LIKES POTBELLY - it sucks so hard core.

5:32 PM  
Blogger Selfish Country Music Loving Lady said...

Can we somehow block Albert from making anonymous comments?

10:48 PM  
Blogger Hired Hand said...

Unfortunately not. You'd need someone with the kind of string-pulling power as Julie Cooper-Nichol-Cooper, or maybe even the late Caleb Nichol-Cooper-Nichol-Cooper.

11:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey i am not responsible for the rib comment -- and for the potbelly comment i stand by my committment to end its business, did you hear they had a rat infestation, no, probably because of the cover up

11:09 AM  
Anonymous Wings! Fan said...

I'll back up the Baroness. Once you've had Wings Over, you're never quite the same. Mmmmmm....Honey BBQ...

3:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In defense of the Cheescake Factory, though it is oft overcrowded, the meals aren't overpriced because the portions are enough to make two meals. Moreover, the quality of food is an order of magnitude better than Applebee's, and then you factor in the excellent titular cheescakes... 3rd round was a solid slot for this chain.

7:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In defense of the Cheescake Factory, though it is oft overcrowded, the meals aren't overpriced because the portions are enough to make two meals. Moreover, the quality of food is an order of magnitude better than Applebee's, and then you factor in the excellent titular cheescakes... 3rd round was a solid slot for this chain.

7:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sydney takes it on the chin most unfairly I think. I love wings. On the other hand, Cheesecake factory has a nearly infinite variety of mediocre not really fusion cuisine.

2:49 PM  

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