Fantasy Drafts

Monday, August 29, 2005

Movie Quote Draft Commentary

11:12 PM
As my fellow drafters know, I constantly use movie quotes to express myself: How I’m feeling (“I’m so hungry I could eat the ass out of a dead rhinoceros”), what I’m thinking (“Tattoo on her lower back? Might as well be a bull’s-eye.”), where I’m going (“Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of”)…Okay, so I don’t usually reference Casablanca, but you get the idea. I really can’t tell you how honored I was when asked to provide commentary on the Movie Quotes Draft (“If you build it, they will come”). Partially because very little that comes out of my mouth is original thought, but mostly because I can finally break the streak of shitty ass grades you guys have been giving me. This draft had so much potential, but somehow, somewhere, it took a turn for the worse. I’ll start by saying that any Movie Quote Draft that contains 10% of its quotes from former SNL actors… sorry, I just dry heaved…is well on its way to achieving C-List stardom.

Sydney’s Picks:
Selecting a Wayne’s World quote as the #1 overall pick in this draft is like picking Bryan as the #1 overall pick to play 3 on 3 basketball for money. It just doesn’t make any sense. Sydney recovered quickly, however, quoting one of the bigger hits of our youth, Fight Club. Fight Club is an extremely quotable movie, and I am a big fan of the simplicity of this quote, very Zen. She followed this pick by taking a Trainspotting quote in the third round. At this point, Sydney’s draft has two strong picks, but her direction is all over the place. Is she going for iconic quotes or funny ones? Has Sydney lost her fire (no pun intended)? Round 4 found Sydney dabbling in the comic book genre as she took “Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight”. Again, another decent pick, but no heavy-hitters yet, and no direction whatsoever. Her 5th round pick started to reflect the tendencies of her 1st round pick as she grabbed one of the funniest quotes from Billy Madison. Sydney continued to find her focus as she marched into Round 6 selecting from the cult classic, Office Space, a selection that frustrated this commentator a great deal. Oh, the potential! While the “No Salt” reference brought back fond memories of vacation, there were many, many better quotes that could have been taken. But it’s okay Sydney, this isn't Riyahd, nobody's going to cut your hand off for choosing a sub-par quote. You recovered with a very strong pick in the final round, and a personal favorite of mine, “1970 Pontiac Firebird, the car I’ve always wanted and now I have it. I rule!” You do rule Sydney, but let’s step it up for the next draft. Grade: C-
Adam’s Picks:
It’s no surprise that The Big Lebowski went in the first round. In this commentator’s opinion, it’s one of the best comedies ever made. Another movie with too many fantastic quotes to choose from, Adam gets an approving nod on this one. I was also pleased to see James Earl Jones’ well-known speech from Field of Dreams taken in Round 2, “People will come Ray. People will most definitely come.” (That’s what SHE said). Adam continued to drop bombs, nabbing another classic comedy, Caddyshack. Although, like Sydney, Adam slipped a little here, allowing a bunch of better quotes to slip through the cracks. In Round 4, Adam continued his comedy streak, selecting 1998’s There’s Something About Mary. This movie showed up a little prematurely in the draft, but I’ll allow it. Now what did Adam have in store for the 5th Round? Spaceballs. My experience with this movie is you either love it or hate it, hit or miss. For me, it’s a miss worse than Shaq’s free throws. I have to refrain from comments on his sixth round pick, as I sadly admit I have not seen Annie Hall, but hey, anyone that marries his adopted daughter is okayyy by me. Right? Adam finished strongly with his last two picks being an awesome Gunnery Sergeant Hartman quote from Full Metal Jacket and a gut-busting quote from the 1974 classic, Blazing Saddles. Overall, a job well done. Grade: A-
Bryan’s Picks:
In the first round, Bryan made sure no one else got their hands on the quote goldmine that is Pulp Fiction. However, Bryan ran into the same problem Adam did with deciding which quote to take. So, maintaining the status quo, he went with the most offensive quote he could get his hands on. His Round 2 selection, a Raoul Duke quote from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, perhaps shouldn’t have gone so quickly. After his first two picks, it was clear Bryan was strictly going for laughs. Unfortunately, the laughs he got from his Round 3 selection were more at him than with him as he panicked and went with a mediocre Joe Pesci quote from Goodfellas. After trading his Bull Durham pick from the 4th round, Bryan kicked it into high gear, stealing two hilarious and iconic quotes from movies that take place in the 70’s: Animal House, made in 1978 and Dazed and Confused from 1976. Surprised that it wasn’t taken earlier, Bryan felt obliged to select a Rounders quote in the seventh round. Although, he loses a couple points for not taking a KGB quote. To close out Bryan’s draft, he finished on a high-note, taking the “-ism’s” quote from 1986’s Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Grade: B+

Albert’s Picks:
Taking Dr. Strangelove, On The Waterfront, and Citizen Kane early on, Albert’s draft seemed to be taking the same direction as Chris’. Perhaps this was the cause of the tension between the two during drafting. But for whatever reason, Albert switched gears in the fifth round when he took Super Troopers. An interesting movie selection to follow what is widely considered the best movie of all time. Nevertheless, Albert’s following two picks continued to be humorous ones, leaving him at a 4:3 on the icon to humor ratio. What would he do with his last pick you ask? Ah, a classic, The Maltese Falcon. In summary, Albert had a bunch of strong quotes coupled with a small handful of comic relief: a quality draft that combined undisputed classics and personal favorites. Grade: B+

Before getting to Chris’ picks, let's briefly recap. So far, with the exception of Sydney’s smorgasbord, all of the drafts seem to take a definitive direction but don’t end as strongly as I had hoped.

Chris’ Picks:
Through it all, it appeared Chris had this draft locked down. You simply can’t argue with the cinematic significance and timelessness of every quote he picked…until the 8th round. Oh Christopher, my dear, dear Christopher. You were so close to an ‘A’, sooooo close! Unfortunately, you decided to close your draft out with a little gem from So I Married An Axe Murderer. Um, WTF? Let’s backtrack. Before that, you took “I see dead people.” I personally would have liked to see “E.T. phone home” in there somewhere, but I’m not losing any sleep over it. Before that, you grabbed quotes from Gone With The Wind, Dirty Harry, The Wizard of Oz, and other classics. I applauded your draft with the exception of you last pick. You mailed that one in, and I simply can’t let that go. Thus… Grade: B


Anonymous Adam said...

Wow! I won a draft! This is, like, earth-shattering! In retrospect, my draft was pretty good, and it seems as though everyone else's sucked.

Woman? WO-man?

12:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Super Troopers quote should've been, "Give me a uhh Leederacola." Priceless.

1:13 PM  

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